


Snails in the Coffin

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-05-01
Updated: 2006-05-01
Packaged: 2019-05-30 10:06:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15094499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Josh takes Donna to theSnails in the Coffinbenefit with him.





	1. Snails in the Coffin

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

`Hi this is my first fanfic ever.  I don't own these characters blah  
blah blah.....  Plus I didn't have a proofreader so bare with me!!`

Spoilers:  Not really any but I guess What Kind of Day has it Been  
and In the Shadow of two Gunman

  
              "Donna!" Josh Lyman barked coming up behind his  
assisstant. "Where's my pen?", he shouted again an inch away from her  
ear.  
               Donna didn't flinch shes just continued to walk  
briskly down the hall ahead of him.  
               "Donna!", he yelled again a stride behind her. "Did  
you hear me?"  
               "I heard you.", She stated simply not pausing her near  
jog down the corrider.  
                "Well do you plan on answering me?"  
                "No." Donna tried to hide the amusement in her voice,  
knowing full well she was irritating Josh to the fullest.   
                "No?"  
                "No."  
                "This is getting old"  
                "Sorry Donna it's just that I thought you said no"  
                Donna stopped short and turned to face him.  Josh  
stumbled a bit losing his balance. Donna gave a small smile as he  
tried to regain his composure.  They had been through so much in the  
past few months since the shooting.  She was just so relieved he was  
here, alive and arguing with her.  It felt so good.  So natural.  She  
turned her blue eyes up to meet his brown ones.  She saw laughter in  
them even though he was trying desperately to look angry.  
                 "Perhaps Joshua, you thought I said NO because I DID  
say NO.  You asked me for a pen! A PEN!! A writing utensil commonly  
found in office bulidings, which if I am not mistaken is where we   
ARE! And not just any office building we are in the White House.  
                 "Donna I.............." Josh tried to interject as  
Donna kept going.  
                 "So I think that you, Joshua Lyman, Deputy Chief of  
Staff of the United States of America,  can find a pen all by  
yourself!!"  
                 "Are you done?"  
                 Donna thought it over for a moment.  "Yes." And with  
a swing of her long blond hair she turned to walk away.  
                 Josh stood in the middle of the hallway and laughed  
out loud.  "Thank God for Donna", He thought to himself.  He'd been  
back at work for a week now end everyone had been trying to go easy  
on him.  Everyone but Donna.  She didn't coddle him or treat him  
differently.  And she certainly could have.  She was there every step  
of the way with him.  Seeing him in ways he probally would rather her  
not have.  She always knew what he needed whether he agreed with her  
or not.   
                  He was still smirking over his encounter with Donna  
when Toby came up behind him.  
                  "Josh"  
                  "Yes.", Josh turned to face him.  
                  "You and I have to attend a benefit for snails  
tonight."  
                  Josh looked at Toby for a second to see if he was  
kidding.  Josh was horrified to see he was not.  
                  "Snails?", He questioned.  
                  "Snails."  
                  "Why are we attending a benefit for snails and Why  
am I just finding out about this now?", Josh couldn't believe he was  
having this conversation.  
                   "Because of the Presiden.", Toby stated dryly.  
                  "The President has become a snail activist?  I   
know I was gone awhile but........."  
                  "No Josh the president had to go to the bathroom."  
                  "Why am I not making a conection here?"  
                  "Richard Ricker of SNAILS IN THE COFFIN appraoched  
the President about attending a benefit to save the snails.   
Apparently people are treating hm poorly, squishing them...removing  
their shells..etc"  
                   Josh couldn't believe Toby said all that with a  
straight face.  "And the President......."  
                "Had a very full bladder and made a hasty statement  
regarding the nature of the White Houses involvement as he left the  
room to releive himself."  
                "And now we're being sent in his place"  
                "Correct"  
                "Well that is hardly fair.  And Sam?  
                "Sam, CJ and Leo all had viable excuses to not attend"  
                "Those bastards."  
                "Well I have to go talk to CJ about tomorrow's press  
briefing.  I will see you tonight." Tobt left and Josh walked back to  
his office.  
                 Josh opened his office door expecting to see Donna  
there.  He expected to see Donna everywhere now.  When he was home  
recouperating she managed to pop up everywhere.  When he discovered  
she wasn't there a wave of disappointment swept through him.  He'd  
gotten so dependent on her lately.  Maybe too dependent he thought to  
himself.  He was in the mood to banter and she was of doing work he  
himself assigned her.  As the thought ran through his mind his office  
door swung open.  Donna stormed in looking flustered trying to  
balance a stack of files and two salads.  Josh's heart gave a little  
cheer at the sight of her. "what was that all about" he wondered.   
                  "Donnatella!"  
                  "Oh good your back.", She said sarcasticly. "I hope  
your pen searching edeavor went smoothly." Donna said placing one of  
the salads in front of Josh.  
                   Josh smirked holding up a blue  
pen.  "Salad.....yum", he said forlornly at his food.  
                  "Don't complain! You really shouldn't eat all that  
greesy food while your still recouperating."  
                  "Thank you nurse Donnatella Moss"  
                  "You mock me now Josh but you'll thank me later."  
                  Josh rolled his eyes.  
                   "I saw that"  
                   "Gee, Donna with you sitting a foot away from me I  
can't imagine how you could have misse it"  
                   Donna stuck her tongue out at him and smiled. "Eat  
you Salad"  
                    A comfortable silence fell between them.  After  
awhile Josh asked Donna while crunching on lettuce, "What do you know  
about snails?"  
                    Donna looked up with her fork  in her  
mouth. "Snails?"  
                    "Yes, Snails"  
                    "Well Joshua, since you asked, snails are one of  
Americas's hidden treasures and one of our most untapped resources."  
                    Josh looked at Donna in amazement.  
                    "Your Kidding", he said  
                    "Yes I am."  
                

TBC............Feedback Please!!!!!!!!!  


 

  

  

  


	2. Snails in the Coffin 2

`I don't own them and never will..unfortunately`

Spoilers: The finale and the premiere.

  
                   "Josh." Toby said grimly as he walked into Josh's  
office.  
                   Josh looked up.  "Why are you looking like that?   
Toby your scaring me."  
                   "Josh we have a problem."  
                   Suddenly it clicked in Josh's head.  "Oh NO! You  
can not do this to me!  You can not make me go to Snails in the Grave  
by myself!!", Josh yelled.  
                   "In the Coffin." Toby stated.  
                   "what?"  
                   "It's not called Snails in the Grave it's called  
Snails in the Coffin.  You need to know that."  
                   "Whatever, why are you doing this to me?" Josh  
looked stricken.  
                   "I have a meeting tonight about the upcoming trip  
to Portland."  
                   "And you can't reschedule?"  
                   "NO."  
                   "Well what about CJ? Can't she go with me?", Josh  
asked hopefully.  
                   "CJ has a date." Toby said with his head down.  
                   "with who?"  
                   "Danny."  
                   "Oh."  
                   "Look Josh I'm sorry.  I have to go."  
                   "I hate you."  
                   "Good." Toby called back over his shoulder as he  
left the room.  
                   

                    Josh sat at his desk with his head lieing on a  
stack of paper work.  He was moaning softly.  
                    Donna walked in and for a second she stood  
frozen. She flashed back to that night of the shooting.  Josh looked  
so helpless and her heart nearly broke with the emotions that surged  
through her.  And here was Josh again looking rather helpless.  Until  
she took a closer look and realized Josh was just being his usual  
baby self.   
                   "What's the matter with you?" She asked as she  
swatted him on the head.  
                   "Ow Donna!", Josh yelped. "My life is over."  
                   "Josh stop being so melodramtic." Donna sat down  
in front of him.  
                   "You don't understand Donna, Toby just screwed me."  
                   Donna smiled. "Now I could make an off color joke  
but..."  
                   "Spare me Donna."  
                   "Okay if you don't appreciate  my wit."  
                   "Donna I..." Suddenly Josh got an idea.  
                   "Josh are you okay because your grinning the the  
Chesire Cat."  
                   "Donna do you remember about three months ago in  
the hospital.?"  
                   "Yes."  Donna began to panic. She said alot of  
things during that time that she hoped Josh wouldn't remember.   
Things she knew she should have kept to herself.   
                   "I had just gotten out of surgery.  Do you  
remember what you said?"  
                   "Could we be a little more specific?"  
                   Josh smiled to himself of the memory.  Things were  
such a blur to him but the one thing he did remember was Donna.  Not  
words exactly but the way she looked.  He'd never seen her like that.  
                   "Well you were sitting there sniffling over my  
crippled body and I think between sobs I distinctly recall you  
saying "Joshua, your the greatest guy in the whole world and I will  
go to the SNAILS IN THE COFFIN benefit with you!"  
                    Donna laughed outloud. Relieved he was kidding  
about remember what she said in the hospital.  
                    "What! Josh!  Now way are you dragging me to that  
thing!!  
                    Josh was on his hands and knees now begging her.  
                    "Come on Donna I am desperate!!"  
                    "Josh..."  
                    "Donna I got shot!"  
                    That was the clincher.  Donna had no choice but  
to agree.  How could she not.  Plus the process of getting dressed up  
and saving the snails for whatever reason with Josh actually sounded  
like fun.  
                    "Okay Okay I'll go."  
                    Josh jumped up and gave Donna a big hug.  Donna  
was acutely aware of Josh's strong arms around her waist and the  
flush that seemed to rise through her body from her toes.  Josh  
forced himself to pull away.  The smell of Donnas hair below his nose  
was intoxicating and the feel of her in his arms was almost enought  
to make him do something he would regret later.   
                    Josh looked down at Donna and smiled.  "Thank you  
Donna.  I promise you won't reget it."  
                    Donna tried not to look at Josh in the eye.   
Afraid her own eyes would give her away.  "I'm afraid I already do."

TBC.........

 

  

  


	3. Snails in the Coffin 3

`I don't own them..........well you know this so why am I wasting  
time.  You can check the first two parts for info.`

  
                    "Donna be ready by 7, Oh and you might want to  
put away the Cats.", Josh Lyman said to his assistant who was on the  
phone arranging a meeting with Senator Calahan for next week.  
                     She looked up and rolled her eyes, giving him a  
wave and a nod of understanding. This was the last phone call of the  
day and now she had to go find something to wear.  "What do you wear  
to a Snail benefit?" By the time she hung up Josh had already gone  
home to get dressed himself.  Donna grabbed her keys, her purse and  
headed for the door. 

                     Josh Lyman ran around his apartment in a frantic  
search for his black tie. "It's got to be here somewhere.", he  
mumbled to himself.  Finally he threw open the closet door and found  
all his ties arranged neaatly by color.  "Donna!" he screamed but  
turned around sheepishly.  It was just habit.  She wasnt really  
there. When Josh had gotten home from the hospital Donna had  
practically moved in.  She would sit by his bed everyday.  Rambling  
on about the happenings in the office.  When he needed to be alone  
she would make herself busy by organizing his apartment like she did  
his office.  It was obvious his ties had faced the rath of Donnatella  
Moss.  These past few months had been a real adjustment for him.  It  
was terrible to think that he JOSH LYMAN wasn't invincible. And now  
he had to adjust to not having Donna around 24/7.  And he was just  
starting to truly irritate her with his Theoretical Physic rants.  Oh  
well there's always the office he thought to himself.  
                    Finally the tie was tied and it was time to get  
Donna.  
                    Donna was just fastening the back of her small  
diamond earrings when the doorbell rang.   
                    "Coming." She called. "Actually Josh I think it's  
open"  
                    Donna heard the door open and then a loud thud.   
                    "Damnit! Donna!!  Hey those are new shoes!!"   
                    Donna turned the corner into the living room.  
Josh was sprawled out on the floor. "Josh leave the cats ALONE!"  
                    "Donna I think you should get a.....", Josh tried  
to untangle himself and stand up when he saw Donna standing there.   
His breath actually caught in his chest and his heart began to beat  
wildly.  Donna was standing there wearing a very simple, formfitting  
black dress.  Her long blond hair fell around her shoulders.  But  
ofcourse she had  her typical "Josh your and idiot face " on.  And  
Josh was kicking himself for letting her have such a physcial effect  
on him.  What the hell was happening to him?  He was losing his  
mind.  That is the only explanation.   
                     "Donna you look...uh nice." Damnit thatdidn't  
come out right Josh thought to himself.  
                     "Gee thanks Josh.  Josh can you do me a favor  
and leave the cats alone before my roomate comes home and finds you  
yelling at her babies."  
                  " I think she should get a hobby."  
                      Donna had to keep berating Josh.  She had to  
act unaffected by his presence.  She saw the look that passed through  
Josh's face when he saw her but then it vanished as quickly as it  
came. If she just kept moving and talking then she wouldn't have to  
think about the way Josh looked in his tuxedo.  "Oh my God I just  
checked out his ass!", she screamed at herself.  
                   "Like theoretical Physics?", she shot back.  
                   "Banner headline Donna!"  
                   "Alrighty"  
                   "Let's just go"  Josh led her out of the door  
keeping his hand at the small of her back as he opened the car door.   
Donna felt a tingle go through her whole body from his touch but like  
a lot of things nowadays she chose to ignore it.

TBC...................  


 

  


	4. Snails in the Coffin 4

`I don't own them.  (see first and second parts for spoiler info)`

                    Donna and Josh entered the ballroom.  Josh still  
had his hand on Donna's back.  She had not, up until this point,  
noticed that fingers could be sexy.  Even though she couldn't see  
Josh's she could feel them warm, strong and protecive against her  
cool exposed back.  The thought barely had time to register it'self  
when she took a good look around the room.  There were huge posters  
of slimy green snails on every wall.  At the front of the room stood  
a man who Donna could only assume was Richard Ricker, head of the  
organization.  He was wearing fake antenaes and a large plastice  
shell around his tux.  They would blink green lights as he moved.  
                    "Are these people for real?", Josh whispered in  
Donna's ear.  
                    "Josh be nice.  Just because they believe  
passionately in something that you don't feel passionate about  
doesn't give you the right to belittle it."  
                    " Gee Donna maybe you should get a membership  
while we're here. You fit right in with the rest of these crackpots."  
                    "Your just tossing out the compliments tonight  
aren't you?"  
                    "I could kill the President for doing this to  
me.  But that would mean Hoynes would run the country."  
                    "EEW"  
                    "I know"  
                    Just then Richard Ricker approached them.   
Flashing shell and all. "My Lyman!  It's great to have you here."  
                    "I'm all for the cause." Josh said convincingly.   
Donna snickered beside him.   
                    "It's a pleasure to be here Mr. Ricker."Donna  
said speaking up.  
                    "And who is this lovely lady?", Richard Ricker  
turned to Donna.  
                    "I'm Donnatella Moss, Mr Lyman's assisstant"  
                    "It's a Pleasure"  
                    Josh did not like the way Snail Man was leering  
at Donna. He thought about slugging him.  
                    "Well Mr. Lyman I hope you don't mind if I steal  
her away for a drink.......or a dance." Richard Ricker looked Donna  
up and down.  Josh wanted to throw him across the room but he knew  
Donna would have the good sense to decline.  Much to his amazement he  
heard Donna say "I'd love to" and walked away without a second glance  
to Josh.  
                     Richard Ricker handed Donna glass of wine and  
led her to a table.  He was chattering on senselessly about snails  
and what drove him to create SNAIlS IN THE COFFIN.  "And then they  
flushed it down the toilet..." was all she caught.  She was too busy  
looking for Josh amongst the snail crowd.  That look on his face when  
I walked away was priceless she thought to herself.  Then Richard  
Ricker leaned down and his flashing antenae knocked over Donna's wine  
glass.  "Oh I am so sorry Donna!" he said as he scrambled to find a  
napkin.  
                     Josh could not believe Donna abandoned him. For  
a guy with a shell!!  He could have come alone.  Josh saw Donna out  
of the corner of his eye.  Richard Ricker was trying to clean up a  
spill off Donna'a black dress.  The only thing Josh could see was his  
hands on her and she didn't even look repulsed.  "That's It!" he  
grumbled.  
                     Josh made it over to Donna in five arrogant  
strides.  Donna didn't even see him come up but she did feel his  
strong grip on her arm as he tugged her away.   
                     "It's been fun Mr. Ricker but Donna and I have  
to be going.  We have a Flamingo benefit at 9:00", Josh called over  
his shoulder.  
                      "Josh what the hell was that about", Donna said  
turning towards Josh when the finally got outside.  
                      "You abandoned me to flirt with a guy with a  
SHELL!"  
                       "I did not flirt.  I had a drink."  
                      "Oh you didn't flirt?  Well what about "I'm  
Donnatella Moss"  Josh imitated in a seductive tone.  
                       "Oh I don't know Josh....maybe because it's MY  
NAME!" Donna shot back.  
                       "It's not the words Donna it was the tone."  
                       "The tone?" Donna questioned.  
                       "The tone."  
                       "And how was my Tone?"  
                       "It was a tone of desire Donna!" Josh was  
pacing back in forth in front of the car.  
                       "A tone of desire?  Josh have you been  
drinking? Is this some sort of post tramatic stress disorder?", Donna  
thought maybe perhaps he had lost his mind.  
                        "No I haven't been drinking.  I didn't need a  
drink.  I have eyes and ears!!"  Josh opened the car door and  
motioned for Donna to get in.  
                        "But Josh I didn't even get to say goodnight  
to Richard!", Donna knew that would tick him off.  
                       "Donna!"  
                       "Maybe I should drive."  
                       "No"  
                       "Josh do we really have to attend a benefit  
for Flamingos?", Donna smirked. This was fun she thought.  
                       Josh looked at her long and hard.  He got the  
feeling she was mocking him.  She was. Josh was not amused.  He  
turned the wheel of the car sharply and pulled out onto the road.

  
TBC.............  


 


	5. Snails in the Coffin 5

`I don't own them.  I never will.`

Okay here's the last part.  Hope you like it!

                    The ride back to Donna's was mostly  in silence.   
Except for the slight humming of Donna along with the radio. Josh  
gave her a sideways glance.  The streetlights they passed were  
causing a angelic glow around Donna.  "wow.", Josh thought to  
himself.  "when did Donna become well.......did she always look like  
that?"  Donna could sense Josh's eyes on her.  She smiled to herself.  
                    They pulled up in front of Donna's apartment.   
Josh knew he should apologize for acting like a pompas jerk.  He  
didn't but he knew he should and isn't it the thought that counts  
anyway?  Donna climbed out and turned towards Josh one last time.  
                    "Thanks for a fun and exciting evening Joshua.   
See if I ever do you a favor again.  It could have been fun until  
you turned all jealous on me." With that Donna went inside.  
                    "Jealous?", Josh said out loud.  "She thinks I  
was jealous? Me? Jealous?  I was saving her from being groped by a  
guy with a flashing antenae on his head! She should be thanking me!!"  
Josh turned his car around and went back to Donna's.

  
                      Donna just finished taking off her dress and  
putting on a pair of old sweat pants and a Harvard sweatshirt that  
once belong to Josh.  She put the final touches on her pony tail when  
she heard banging on her front door.  "Oh God." She said to the cat  
that was purring at her feet.  
                      "Donna! Donna! open the door!", Josh was  
yelling.  
                       Donna flung open the door and found Josh  
looking rather frantic.  His nice formal outfit was now a disheveled  
mess.  His jacket was off.  His tie was missing.  He has his sleeves  
rolled up and the top two buttons on his collar open.  
                       "Can I help you?", Donna asked feigning wide  
eyed innocense.  
                        "I think you owe me an apology.", Josh looked  
Donna right in the eye.  
                        "An apology?" Donna could not believe what  
she was hearing.  
                        "Yes and apology." Josh moved further inside.  
                        "For what?"  
                        "For yelling at me for saving you from snail  
man and for accusing me of being jealous."  
                        "I will not."  
                        "Thank- wait did you just say you will NOT?"   
Josh moved closer to Donna.  
                        "You catch on quick.  Did you say you were a  
Fulbright scholar?" There was barely two inches seperating them now.   
There was a definate heat brewing between them and they knew it.  
                        "Donna I wasn't jealous.", Josh said meekly.   
Almost as if he didn't believe it himself.  He put his hands on her  
shoulders looking her straight in the eye as if that was supposed to  
make it more convncing.  Donna nearly jumped from his touch.   
                        "Then what was it Josh?  What was that whole  
rant about my Tone of Desire?  Donna could feel Josh's hands moved  
down towards her waist.  He was looking at her funny and she could  
hardly make a coherent thought.  
                        "Donna do you feel that?", Josh whispered.   
Amazed at what was happening.  
                        "Feel what?", Donna tried to move back to  
make some space between them.  
                        "This Donna." He motioned to the space  
between them.  
                        "What.", She couldn't believe what was going  
on.  Ofcourse she knew what he was talking about.  She was  crazy  
about him.  She had been for ages but since the shooting it really  
started to come to the forefront.  She had even confessed her  
feelings at his bedside.  He was unconcious at the time so she knew  
it didn't count.  
                        "Heat.", Josh was looking down at her now. He  
was so close she could feel his warm breath on her cheek.  
                        "Heat?"  
                        "Yes Heat."  
                        "I could open a window."  
                        "Stop it Donnatella!  You know what I am  
talking about. There is something going on here! I think." Donna  
turned away from him.  But Josh grabbed her arm and pulled her back  
towards him.  He could feel her body pressed up against his. His head  
was screaming at him to act fast. To make a move. Finally after all  
this back and forth crap to finally do something big.   
                        Donna looked up at Josh.  His eyes were  
intense.  They were passionate.  Donna knew what was going to happen.  
She was about to make a smart remark about his intelligence when her  
words were muddled from Josh's mouth pressed against hers.  The kiss  
was soft but only at first.  It deepened and got more passionate. It  
was the buildup of years of arguments, of unspoken words.  Donna let  
out a small sigh as Josh pulled away.  He smirked glad to know he  
still had the appropriate affect on woman.  
                        "Oh, that heat.", Donna looked up at Josh and  
smiled. She was still floating from the intensity of the kiss.  
                        "Donna is that my shirt?", Josh looked at  
Donna's clothes.  
                        "No."  
                        "You went to Harvard?"     
                        "Yes."  
                        "Donna!"  
                        "What? You can lie about not being jealous  
but I can't lie about where I received higher education?"  
                        "Donna, you drive me crazy.", Josh whispered  
in her ear before he kissed her passionately again.  
      
THE END!!!


End file.
